Dear Mr. Obama, I would like to begin by belatedly congratulating you on becoming the very first black President of the United States of America. You’ve been upon a long and arduous journey to attempt to bring our nation out from depths of despair the likes of which unseen for generations. It is a burden more complex and insurmountable than I could ever imagine. I’m sure by now you probably are starting to figure out. Almost immediately upon your election you drew comparisons to the man who is almost universally regarded as the greatest president in...

Face it - farts are funny. They always will be. Since modern women have finally admitted that they partake and, dare I say, are even fond of this national pastime, we finally live in an epoch of true equality. We can now all fart in peace and love one another like in all those songs your parents used to listen to. So what are the premier and preferred public areas to unleash anal aromas? Where in the ‘Ville can you get away with a fart frenzy? Nachbar Between the jazz-wailings of VAMP or the nigh-endless loop of Black Sabbath on the jukebox, there is...